Although when I was diagnosed I knew it was likely I would be writing this post, I had hoped it would be sometime farther in the future. That was not to be. Yesterday, I learned that my treatment is not working, and that my cancer was progressing rapidly. It was recommended that I be put into hospice to get ready for the end of my life. Today, I did get set up with hospice. Truthfully, the news did not surprise me. I am going downhill fast every single day. The speed at which I am declining is shocking. In fact, the hospice nurse estimates that, at best, I have two weeks to live and maybe less.
The subtitle to this blog was “A sometimes rocky road to peace and wellness”. There are different ways to describe peace and wellness. Most people probably see it as getting well and getting rid of the cancer and living without it. That is what I hoped. Another definition is to reach a point where the peace and wellness is knowing that your time has come. That is where I am right now. Most of the peace and wellness I have reached is as a result of my dear family and friends that have always been there for me and continue to be. Without them I could not have reached this point. I have been surrounded by so much love. That makes me a very lucky person even though I am going to die from this cancer. How many people get to hear on a daily basis that they are loved. Rarely does that happen. Usually people die and people extol their life. I have been able to hear it while still alive. That has been a blessing.
Those of you who have followed my blog are constantly giving me words of encouragement. And that has meant a lot to me, as well. I have heard from so many people that the blog has been inspiring. That makes me very happy. For me, it was not only a form of therapy, but a way for me to honestly tell people what this journey is like. I have tried to be absolutely honest in everything I have written. So many times people who are dying of a terminal disease don’t talk about it and don’t tell you all of the dirty details. That is not me. I hope that my honesty has helped people understand what cancer patients go through as they fight advanced cancer.
Obviously, I expect this to be the last post, but I write with the help of my friend, Judy, who is typing it for me. When you think of me, think of me as a warrior who fought a very hard fight and never gave up. Think of me as someone who loved life, loved her family, loved her friends, and was surrounded by so much love that it has brought me peace and light. I am not afraid of dying because I am not living. Instead, I want all of those who love me to keep me in their hearts and remember me with joy. I love you all.